Moonlit Nightmares
by Chellendora
Summary: Lacelin Crill is entering her sixth year with a horrible secret-she's now a werewolf. But to her surprise, she's isn't alone. She begins to build a relationship with Remus Lupin on Dumbledore's suggestion. Turns out, they have chemistry, after all.
1. Nightmares

**Author's Note:** This is a re-write of a story I wrote in 2007. That story was done in second person, so I can't post it here, but you can find it here: .?sid=18898. It may be of interest to see how much my writing has improved in the last three years, and how my story planning has improved! Regardless, I hope you do enjoy this refurbished fanfiction. :)

* * *

_**Moonlit Nightmares**_

**Chapter One:** Nightmares

Why did I think this would be a good idea? My uncle had told me to stay close to camp once it got dark. But I wanted to see the river under the full moon's light. I just knew it would be gorgeous.

I couldn't think of a good excuse to leave the area. Our tent had a bathroom, our fire was magical so it didn't need wood…I had to wait for everyone to be asleep.

When would I get another chance to see the moon reflected in one of the only unpolluted parts of the Thames?

I was such a fool.

_Growling._

_Twigs breaking. Leaves snapping and crunching._

_Panting._

_Heart beating. Pain._

_Blurs of color._

_Pleas._

Help!

_Shaking. Shaking._

_A voice._

_My name…?_

My eyes snapped open and focused on the bright green ones of my best friend. She looked worried.

"Are you okay?" she asked, sitting back down across from me.

I glanced around. We were in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express, headed to school. I wasn't sure when I had dozed off. It was still light outside, and the countryside raced by the window. There was probably still an hour or so before dark, and not long after that we would pull up to the station in Hogsmeade.

"I was just…having a nightmare," I answered. I wasn't lying; I really was having a nightmare.

Lily's brow creased in concern. "What about?" She had never known me to succumb to nightmares before, how would I explain this one?

"Um…" I racked my brain, thinking quickly. "It involved my whole family. I suddenly lost them." Lily knew that I didn't get along with my parents; but she did know that I loved my Uncle Howard and his two girls more than anything. Outside of them, I had a grandmother that lived in New York City who ignored us over here on the isle, but that was it for family.

Lily, God bless her, gave me a sympathetic smile and patted me on the shoulder. "Don't worry about that, it was only a dream." She sat back and looked out the window, her smile widening. "Just think about the feast tonight! We're about to start our sixth year!"

I smiled, but I couldn't grin. That, too, left me feeling nauseous. Usually I would be jumping for joy right along with her, but not on this particular train ride. I couldn't think past this night, it felt like once this night was over my life would just end, no matter how it turned out. I hated that feeling. It was such an irrational feeling, because I knew life would go on.

"C'mon, cheer up!" Lily smiled and picked up the magazine she had been reading earlier.

I forced a full blown grin onto my face and then turned my attention to my messenger bag. I dug out my current book, _The Eden Express_, and sat back against the seat. I would just read and hope it could take my mind off of things.

But perhaps reading a book with the subtitle _A Memoir of Insanity_ wasn't the best choice right now.

x x x

The Hogwarts Express chugged along down the tracks, and soon darkness fell. By the time Lily and I were changing into our robes my nerves were so frazzled I could barely function.

"Your robe is inside out, Lacelin," she told me with a small chuckle.

I blinked at her and then looked down at the robe, noticing that the light black material of the interior was definitely on the outside. "Shoot," I said and went to turn it around.

Lily closed her trunk and latched it, having put her bag inside with her magazine. "I'm so excited about the new year," she said. She sat next to the trunk on the bench, not wanting to heave it back up on the racks above.

"What are you taking?" I asked, trying to get my mind off the castle growing ever closer.

"Ancient runes, definitely. That was such an interesting class." But after that, I didn't hear anything else.

When the train arrived in the station, I followed Lily out to the carriages pulled by…what, I couldn't guess. I didn't think they were magically drawn, but I just never had enough interest to look into it.

It was a short ride up to the castle, one that would seem much longer than normal for me. And when a few of Lily's other friends showed up, I knew that it would be even longer than that.

Jennifer and Heather never seemed to like me very much, though I got along with Amy all right. Amy was a fellow Quidditch fan, so we at least had that to talk about. The other two girls weren't just uninterested in Quidditch, they absolutely hated it. It was too dirty for them, I guess. That wasn't the only reason we didn't get along, we just rubbed each other the wrong way.

So I sat next to Lily in the carriage, across from Amy. While Jennifer, Heather, and Lily caught up about their summers, Amy and I sat in silence. I preferred it that way; I wasn't really in the mood for talking.

But Amy broke our silence first. "So who did you root for in the World Cup this year?"

I swallowed and forced myself to be civil. I shouldn't be rude just because I was nervous. "Ireland National. I really wish England had made it into the finals though."

Amy nodded. "I rooted for them too. But the United States did better than I expected."

"Did you go to the Cup?" I asked, temporarily forgetting my problems. I would have given a leg to go to the World Cup.

"No, my father tried to get tickets, but you know how difficult that can be. Plus, since it was in America it was a lot harder to find them here."

I only nodded in response, and we lapsed back into silence.

We stayed that way until we pulled up to the castle and debarked the carriages. I followed behind Lily by a few steps as she continued her conversation with Jennifer and Heather. Amy had joined in now, talking about her vacation in Wales.

As we walked up the stairs to the Great Hall, we ran into Professor McGonagall going the opposite direction to meet the first years. When she noticed me, she stopped and beckoned for me to come over to her. I pulled myself out of the crowd and walked over, my heart thudding painfully against my chest.

"Miss Crill, Professor Dumbledore wants to speak with you after the feast." She spoke under her breath so that the passing students wouldn't overhear. Many were looking on in curious interest.

All I could do was nod; I was beginning to feel numb.

"After the feast, I'll fetch you and we'll go to his office together." She must have noticed how I was feeling, because she laid her hand on my shoulder and gave me a youthful smile. "Don't worry so much." And then she was gone with a sweep of her robes.

I followed the last few students into the Great Hall and sat down next to Lily, feeling a little better.

"Where did you go? I turned around to ask you something and you were gone."

"Professor McGonagall wanted to speak to me."

Lily blinked, looking curious. "What about?"

I had thought she would ask me as I walked to the table, so I had a story already thought up. "She told me there's been a scheduling conflict with my classes. She wants to get it straightened out tonight before classes start tomorrow."

Lily relaxed slightly and smiled. "Well, I'm glad you're getting it taken care of in time! But that just seems really late to have a meeting." But she shrugged it off.

"Lacelin!"

I turned to look over the table from me to see that I had sat across from one of my good friends, Jodie Foster. Her chin length brown hair was pushed back from her eyes with plain black clips, and her green eyes were bright with excitement over the new year.

I smiled, it was hard not to in Jodie's presence. "Hi, Jodie. How was your summer?"

"It was great! I got t'go to th' World Cup!" Jodie was the most tomboy girl I knew. She always wore Quidditch jerseys and pants that weren't fitted to her form, which was slender and strong from playing sports all her life. Aside from Quidditch, she also used to play Quodpot. Jodie was originally from the U.S. and had moved to Manchester right before her fourth year at Hogwarts. She had lost a good bit of her Texan accent over the years, but every now and then you would hear it coming out. She also still rooted for their Quidditch team, the Sweetwater All-Stars.

"Did you really?" I asked, my face brightening. I was definitely jealous. "That's amazing! How was it?"

She launched into a full account of the entire game, not that I minded. If I didn't think I was physically weak, I probably would have tried out for the Gryffindor Quidditch team a long time ago. Jodie was the current Keeper, and she was damn good at it, in my opinion. Not only was she a good player, but she was able to put up with James Potter and Sirius Black's antics; though no one could say they weren't good players—in more than _one_ game.

The feast went by as it normally would. Everyone talked until the first years were lead into the hall and sorted into their respective houses by the sorting hat, who had already sang his yearly song. (This one had been a bit bland, in my honest opinion.) Afterwards, everyone ate and then Dumbledore stood to say a few words, give his usual warnings about the Forbidden Forest, and then my nerves returned.

The feast was over, and now I was standing outside the Great Hall waiting for Professor McGonagall to emerge and take me to see the Headmaster.

She had told me not to worry, but she was only one of the teachers. It was all up to Headmaster Dumbledore whether I was allowed to stay at school or not.

And if they kicked me out of Hogwarts, where would I go? My own mother and father wouldn't let me back in their house. They were already disappointed that I wasn't accepted into Beauxbatons.

"Miss Crill, follow me please." I turned to see McGonagall standing outside the double doors, waiting for me to notice her. I nodded and followed her through the corridors of the castle.

The walk was long, and we went into parts of the castle I wasn't familiar with. There were mostly unused classrooms and offices, and I suspected that perhaps the teachers' living quarters were nearby.

But when Professor McGonagall stopped, it wasn't in front of a door. I looked up at her in confusion and she only smiled. We were standing in front of an ugly, large statue of a gargoyle. To my surprise, the professor looked at the gargoyle and said simply, "Cockroach Clusters."

I watched as the statue turned and began to disappear into the floor. The further down it went, the more it revealed a winding staircase coming from the ceiling. After about a minute, it stopped moving and the staircase was open in front of us.

"Just go to the top of that staircase and knock on the door, Miss Crill," McGonagall said with a reassuring smile. "I'll be here to escort you back to Gryffindor Tower."

I nodded and thanked her before I slowly began to climb the staircase. It was ominous. I had never known where Dumbledore's office was, I had never even wondered. No one ever got sent to the "principal's office" at Hogwarts.

I reached the top and came to a mahogany door that simply read "Albus Dumbledore" in gold lettering. I took a deep breath and knocked lightly.

"Come in," said the Headmaster's cheerful voice.

He was in a good mood. That was good news, right?

I opened the door and was immediately in awe.

The Headmaster's office was beautiful. It was circular and in two storeys. The tables and desks sitting along the wall were filled with gadgets that whizzed, smoked, whistled, and some even danced. The stone walls were covered with portraits of all the previous headmasters and headmistresses of Hogwarts—all of whom were currently asleep against their frames (some snoring quite loudly).

Dumbledore's large desk sat centered and against the back wall. Behind him two staircases led to the second floor that seemed to lead to his personal library. What did Dumbledore read in his leisure, I wondered?

"Please, have a seat." He smiled and waved his wand at the floor in front of his desk. An armchair came from the corner of the room and settled on the spot that he indicated.

Slowly, I walked forward and sat in the plush armchair. It was very comfortable.

"Professor McGonagall tells me you have something you wish to discuss with me," he said pleasantly.

I swallowed, and could tell by looking at my hands that my skin had gone a few shades paler. I had a light olive complexion, so when I went pale, it was very obvious.

I pushed a strand of black hair from my eyes and looked up at my Headmaster, but I couldn't meet his eyes.

"Um, sir…I don't exactly know how to say this…"

"In my experience, I've found that just telling the truth is usually a good method." He smiled at me. Would he still be smiling in a moment?

Didn't my mother write a letter? She had whisked me onto the train as fast as she could, hoping everything would just be peachy when I spilled the beans. This was hard. I guess there was no easy way to admit it, so I just spit it out: "Over the summer, I was bitten by a werewolf." I paused to take a deep breath and release it. My heart was beating so hard I thought it was going to break right through my breast bone. "And I was turned."

Dumbledore's smile stay plastered to his face, and he didn't say anything right away.

Was he mocking me? 'Haha, nice try! Get out!'? I was appalled. What should I do? Should I say something?

He let me suffer for a few more moments before he finally spoke. "Miss Crill, your uncle wrote to me in earnest soon after the incident." His smile was still friendly. "Many magical establishments turn their backs on Lycans, and I can assure you that Hogwarts is not one of them."

I was stunned. I closed my mouth when I felt it hanging open. "S-So…I'm not expelled?"

"Of course not." His smile waned a little. "That said, we do take precautions for the safety of the other students. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to extend such a kindness."

"Have there been other werewolf students, sir?"

"We've had vampires, too." Dumbledore smiled fully again. "But werewolves, I must admit, are new to us. Our first werewolf student began school here in your class."

This was news to me. For the past five years I had been going to school with a werewolf? And I hadn't known? Dumbledore really knew what he was doing then.

"I have, sir?" I didn't expect him to tell me who, but I definitely was curious.

And I was surprised when he did tell me who. "Yes, Remus Lupin. Do you know him very well?" He paused for only a moment, not really intending on an answer. "He may be a friend worth having in the coming months. It's very hard for new werewolves to acclimate, I understand. Have you changed yet?"

I shook my head. I hadn't. My first full moon was quickly approaching. "September Eighteenth will be my first time, sir." This wasn't the first time that it struck me how similar changing into a werewolf was to puberty. "Will it hurt?" I nearly whispered.

Dumbledore frowned. "I'm afraid so."

I gulped.

"Now, we have a lot to discuss on this matter," he said, "but it's getting late. I'll meet with you again before September Eighteenth." He stood up and I stood, too. We began to walk towards the door. He laid a reassuring hand on my shoulder and said, "Rest assured, Miss Crill, things will be all right. There are precautions and there's no reason for anyone else to know.

"However," he added, looking down at me. Was it just me, or was there a twinkle in his eye? "Close friends can do more for one's spirit than anything else in this world. Good night, Miss Crill."

I definitely had a lot to mull over for the night and for the next week, most likely.

I met Professor McGonagall at the foot of the stairs and as we walked away, I heard the grinding of stone as the gargoyle statue replaced the stairs. We walked back to Gryffindor Tower in silence. I learned the password for the Portrait of the Fat Lady, and then I parted ways with the professor.

Everyone was already in bed when I reached my dormitory. It was heartening to see my trunk already there, and a soft, warm bed awaiting me. I brushed my teeth, my hair, and changed into my pajamas before climbing under the sheets and falling almost instantly asleep. 


	2. Friendships

_**Moonlit Nightmares**_

**Chapter Two:** Friendships

I awoke the next morning feeling much lighter than I had in weeks. I wasn't going to be expelled, and the Headmaster was more than willing to help me with my…problem. Not only that, but I wasn't alone!

I never would have guessed that Remus Lupin was a werewolf, but now that I did know, I was able to see the signs. I had never really paid it much attention that at least a few days out of each month he didn't show up for class. I never paid attention to the fact that when he came back, he looked drained. I had always considered him a sickly person, and that was what most other people assumed, too.

I had so many questions I wanted to ask him. What was it like the first time? How painful was it? Did it get better with time? Is there anything I can take for the pain? How long had he been a werewolf before he started at Hogwarts? Did his friends know?

His friends, that was a problem. Our paths crossed occasionally, but only when I was with Lily. It was pretty obvious that James fancied Lily and had for some time, but she didn't approve of how he acted.

Just before we got out for summer last year, James had seriously humiliated Lily's friend Severus Snape. He had levitated the Slytherin boy and turned him upside down so that everyone could see his soiled underwear. Lily had stepped in to help, and just ended up getting her head snapped off by Severus as he gathered his things, and his pride, and rushed back into the castle. James hadn't been very apologetic, and the surrounding crowd had been roaring with laughter. I hated to admit it now, but I had been giggling under my breath.

I wasn't too fond of the boy myself—after all, he'd ruined Lily's friendship with Severus that day—but I couldn't help but laugh at him, nonetheless. He was charming and personable, even if he was mischievous.

And what girl at Hogwarts _hadn't_ fantasized about that Sirius Black? He was gorgeous, as far as that went for men. Even I had had my fair share of daydreams while sitting in a class with him.

I shared Divination and Defense Against the Dark Arts with all four boys—James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter (who seemed out of place in that group; he just seemed too sweet to play those petty pranks)—but I did have Potions with only Remus and Peter. Perhaps then would be the best time to talk to him? I could at least ask him to meet me somewhere away from his friends later.

As I got ready for the day, I had my mind made up. Right after Potions I would pull Remus over and ask him to meet me later at the library. The sooner the better, right? The full moon was in only two weeks.

I packed my bag and headed down to the common room, where I saw Lily sitting with Jodie and Amy. At seeing the red head I felt a fist clench in my stomach. Something just wasn't right about talking to a stranger (I barely knew Remus, after all) about something that I hadn't even told my best friend.

But Dumbledore's parting words rang in my head, _"Close friends can do more for one's spirit than anything else in this world."_ I would tell her. I would, but I wanted to get things all straightened out first. Talking to Remus was something the Headmaster had asked me to do, and he would be able to help me along with hiding once a month. This was important.

And plus, what if she pushed me away?

After all, my own mother had.

x x x

"_You have to understand how your mother feels, Lacelin," Mr. Richard Crill said from over the top of his copy of the _Daily Prophet.

_Lacelin sat across the kitchen table from him, her hands clasped in her lap. Her long black hair was disheveled and pulled back into a messy ponytail. Large, dark bags were under her dark brown eyes, and she just plain looked exhausted. "Why is it me that has to understand? She wasn't the one bitten by a-a…a werewolf!" She swallowed hard, going a little paler._

_Richard slammed his paper on the table, his own olive complexion losing a few shades. "You watch what you say so freely!" he spat through clenched teeth, his voice barely louder than a whisper._

_Lacelin felt her throat tighten. "I know _exactly_ how she feels. She's ashamed of me, and so are you!"_

The first day of classes began with one of the best breakfasts I have ever had. But that could be said for just about any of Hogwarts' meals.

As I dumped some more scrambled eggs onto my plate, Lily looked across the table and asked, "Oh, did you get you schedule fixed last night?"

I nodded, sticking to the story for now, but that lump in my stomach returned. I hated keeping something from her—but this was _my_ big secret, I would tell her on my own terms. "I did. It was no biggie so it only took a few minutes."

Lily smiled a little and reached over to get some more French toast. "That's good. What was the problem?"

I stopped in mid bite. I hadn't thought this far ahead for my story. "Well um…For some reason, Divination was on my schedule multiple times."

Lily frowned. "That's bizarre. Come to think of it, it's not often that anyone has a schedule problem anymore."

I smiled, albeit a bit sheepishly. "Well, everyone makes mistakes, right?"

To my great relief, Lily only shrugged and we dropped that topic of conversation.

It was getting closer to time for our first class to start—Lily and I had charms together before I split to go to Potions and her to Ancient Runes—when Severus Snape wandered over to the Gryffindor table.

More like glided like a creepy nutter, in my opinion. I had never really liked the boy, but Lily had been fond of him so I kept my opinions to myself. He just was so hard to talk to; the only person he ever showed any kindness to had been Lily, and we all know how quickly he turned on her!

He held a book in his hand. Upon closer inspection I saw that it was _On the Road_ by Jack Kerouac. He presented it to Lily, his body turned towards the doors of the Great Hall, giving the impression that this was to be a quick drop off.

Git.

"I'm returning your book," he said matter-of-factly. No greeting, no well-to-do, just straight to the point. He had always been like that, though.

"Oh, um…" Lily reached out with both hands and took the book from him. She cradled it to her chest like it was a great treasure. "Thank you. D-Did you enjoy it?"

I had never seen Lily look so nervous to talk to someone before. I looked at her with worry. Her whole posture screamed of her discomfort. She was sitting hunched over the book, holding it tightly with both arms, and by the way she was sitting I could tell she had her knees snapped together. She had tightened up into as much of a ball as she could manage—a defensive position.

"It was interesting," Severus answered in such a neutral tone I couldn't tell if he was sincere or not. After that he simply nodded and then walked away, rather quickly.

"Lily, stop worrying about him. _He_ threw away _your_ friendship; you didn't do anything wrong."

"I know," she replied, but I could tell by the tone of her voice that she wasn't comforted or convinced.

I sighed. About that time the bell rang to signal the beginning of the school day. We stood up and headed to our class in silence.

x x x

I had almost forgotten that I was going to try to speak to Remus after Potions until I made my way to the dungeon classrooms. He was standing outside with everyone else, talking to Peter Pettigrew. I was surprised that boy had been able to achieve the 'Exceeding Expectations' Professor Slughorn required to continue the class past one's fifth year; he had just never seemed very good at the class. Perhaps Remus had helped him—he was one of the only other students that gave Lily a run for her money in the studies department.

I began to get nervous then, and could barely listen to our first lesson. Luckily, Slughorn was feeling under the weather so we repeated our experiment that was required of us during our Potions O.W.L. I had been asked to make a Draught of Peace, which I found very ironic for today.

I remembered the steps perfectly. I found already grinded moonstone in the pantry, along with hellebore syrup, and quickly went to work.

By the time class was almost over, my potion was finished. I called Professor Slughorn over to check my work.

"Draught of Peace? That one was quite popular on the exams last year wasn't it?" he said, though he sounded wholly uninterested, so I only nodded in response.

He didn't taste it himself, instead he called over Peter and had him test it. As he took a sip, the boy was trembling—poor thing had never responded well to be directly addressed by a teacher—but after a minute or so, he seemed much calmer. He didn't seem more confident (he still practically ran away when Slughorn dismissed him), but he had stopped shaking.

"Very good, Miss Crill," Slughorn said without enthusiasm and then moved on to the next student.

While his back was turned to me, I dipped some of the potion out of the cauldron and took a sip. Then after a moment's hesitation, I took a gulp.

I immediately felt warm. All my nerves began to iron out, and I was standing taller. I didn't think I could tackle anything, but I was certainly more willing to try.

When the bell rang throughout the castle to signal the end of class, I slung the strap of my bag over my shoulders and strode straight over to the table where Remus and Peter were gathering their things.

They looked up, mildly surprised to see me there.

"Remus? Can I ask you a question?" I asked before either could say anything.

"Um, sure," he replied, looking uncertain. Peter was looking on with wide, curious eyes.

"Alone, please," I said with an apologetic smile to Peter.

"Of course," he said and hurriedly picked up his bag. "I'll see you at lunch, Remus." He scurried from the almost empty classroom. Slughorn was even already gone.

It couldn't have been more perfect if I had planned it. "This isn't the time to talk about it," I began, glancing around to make sure I hadn't missed anyone, "I would really appreciate it if you would meet me some time later to talk."

"What about?" he asked, looking curious and now just a tad bit nervous.

"Er—it's a secret. Will you meet me at the library tonight? Say around…six?"

Remus was silent for a moment while he mulled it over in his head, but finally he just nodded. "All right, I'll see you then."

I smiled brightly. "Thanks! I'll see you around." With that said and done, I left the classroom and headed towards the Great Hall were Lily and Jodie were surely waiting for me.

It wasn't until lunch was almost over that I realized what Remus probably thought I wanted to talk to him about. I blanched, almost spitting out the steamed carrot I had in my mouth. What if he thought I fancied him? My swig of the Draught of Peace had worn off and now I was nervous all over again. I was getting really tired of this feeling!

x x x

"_If anyone finds out, you'll lose all of your friends. You probably won't even have a chance to tell anyone, they'll suspend you from Hogwarts for sure."_

_Lacelin was trying to ignore her mother, but Patricia Crill stood over the girl's bed, her arms crossed over her chest, looking straight ahead of her at the Wimbourne Wasps poster on her daughter's wall. She had always disapproved of her daughter's interest in the sport—sports were for men._

"_Not only that, but even if they let you finish school you still won't be able to get a job, no matter how good your marks are. So why does it even matter?"_

"_It matters to me, mother," Lacelin said in a neutral, almost bored, tone. This was not the first time she was hearing this spiel. _

_Patricia sighed and put her forehead in her pal, the other hand grasping the elbow of that arm. "This is a disaster."_

"_I didn't want to get bitten, mother."_

"_Really? Then why did you disobey your uncle?" Patricia glared at her daughter. She then scoffed and turned to leave the room. "He should be responsible for you now, not me."_

I wish that he was,_ Lacelin thought to herself as her mother practically slammed the door behind her. The girl rolled over on her bed and buried her face into her pillow, and cried._

Fifteen minutes till six, I made the excuse of needing a book to Lily and Jodie and then headed out of the common room. I took some parchment and my Potions book with me to make it look like I was going to work on an assignment, but I already knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate enough to actually work on anything—not that we actually had any homework anyway.

I found a table within view of the entrance to the library and sat down. So that Madam Pince wouldn't think I was suspicious, I opened my potions book to the first chapter and began to read, using my parchment to take notes. That way I just looked like a studious student seeking quiet.

After a while, I checked my watch. It was 6:05. Okay, so he was five minutes late? That was no big deal. He might not be able to tear himself away from his friends.

Another five minutes passed by, and my resolve started to dissipate, but I held fast to my theory that he couldn't get away from his friends.

By 6:30, I had almost a foot of notes from my Potions book and my hand was cramping. I sat back in my chair and looked around.

So I had been right. He thought I fancied him, and he chickened out. He must not have wanted to have to turn me down.

Other than Sirius, I hadn't really fancied anyone else at the school. But it still hurt to come to the realization that I wasn't liked, at least not liked enough to deserve a proper turning down.

With a heavy sigh, I gathered up my things and left the library, forgetting to check out a book like I had told Lily and Jodie I was going to do. I just wasn't in the mood to keep my cover solid.

When I reached the bottom of the changing staircases, I was hailed from behind.

I turned around to see Professor McGonagall heading towards me. My heart dropped. Why had it even crossed my mind that it could have been Remus? The voice had definitely been female.

"Hello, Professor," I greeted, trying to sound more enthusiastic than I felt.

"Good evening, Miss Crill," the professor said. "The Headmaster asked me to set up a date for you to meet with him. How does tomorrow directly after your last class sound?"

I only nodded. "That's all right. Do I need to come find you?"

She nodded. "I'll be in the Transfiguration classroom, just come by once you're finished in class and I'll escort you to the Headmaster's office."

I nodded again in confirmation. We exchanged good evenings and then went our separate ways. I trudged my way into the common room, which was full of students who hadn't received homework on their first day back and were now chattering and being loud. I was able to sneak through the crowd up to the dorms, glad to find my room empty. I would just have to get my things from downstairs the next morning. At that moment, I just wanted to go to bed.

x x x


	3. Fear

_**Moonlit Nightmares**_

**Chapter Three:** Fear

Remus standing me up apparently bothered me more than I thought. I slept a restless night, constantly tossing, turning, and waking at least once an hour. I finally woke up around six and decided to give up. I got ready as quietly as I could so as not to wake any of my dorm mates, and then I headed down to the common room.

I sat and stared into the empty fireplace, letting my mind wander where it wanted. I was in a haze of exhaustion, so it couldn't focus on but one thing at a time. I thought about class, I wondered when the first Quidditch game would be, but I mostly thought about Remus and tried to grasp a reason why he would have left me hanging last night.

After some time I heard someone coming down the stairs. I turned my head to look.

My stomach flopped over when I saw that it was none other than Remus Lupin. Upon seeing me he stopped, and I could almost see the wheels turning in his head. After a moment, he approached me.

I involuntarily tensed.

"Lacelin?" He stood before me uncertainly.

"Good morning," I said more formally than I intended.

He glanced behind him before he took a seat on the couch adjacent to my armchair. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands clasped between them. Once he was situated he began to speak. "I'm sorry I didn't come to the library last night."

He paused; probably expecting me to say something. I didn't. I wanted to hear his explanation.

He swallowed, my silence obviously unnerving him even more than he already was. "I didn't come because I couldn't get away from James and Sirius. I figured what you wanted to tell me was private."

So what I had suspected was true, unless this was an excuse. It was no great secret that a lot of pranks by the four were prepared at night. I suddenly wondered if I should trust Remus with my secret.

Did his friends know he was a werewolf? They seemed like the type to ridicule someone for it. Of course, I didn't know them very well at all.

Regardless of whether I told Remus or not, come September eighteenth he would know. So, to get it over with…

"I wasn't going to ask you out," I said. Was it just me or did he relax a little? "I have something else to tell you. Dumbledore suggested I talk to you."

I saw the light click on behind his eyes. Remus was a sharp one; I wouldn't be surprised if he already knew what I was talking about.

"This isn't the time or place," he said as students began to come down the stairs. I nodded to show my agreement. "Library, six o'clock?"

I nodded again and he stood to go, but not before he gave me a small smile.

I felt my cheeks tingle as I headed back upstairs to get my bag.

x x x

_Lacelin stood in front of her full length mirror in nothing but her undergarments. She unwound the bandage from around her waist and slowly turned around. Once the bandage was unwrapped, she looked over her shoulder so that she could see her back in the mirror._

_Level with her waist, favoring the left side, was a large bite mark. Puncture wounds made the shape of the jaws, and they were starting to scab over. The whole surrounding area was a sickly yellowish bruise. The twisting of her body so that she could see was irritating the mark, so she twisted back around and grabbed the antiseptic from her dresser. She applied it gingerly to the wound, her elbow sticking up awkwardly as she tried to reach behind her. She then reapplied the bandage and turned to get dressed for the day._

_She sighed. What was the use of treating the wound? The doctor her uncle had called out from St. Mungo's had said that it would leave a nasty scar—and that she was definitely a werewolf._

We had a writing assignment in Potions that day. When I was finished, I pulled out my textbook and went to the index. First I searched for the term "werewolf," but all that showed up were poisons that were particularly potent to werewolves.

I blanched. That's not what I wanted to see. I guess I was in denial; I didn't want to face the truth of how the Wizarding population felt about…my _kind_. After a moment of thought, I turned back a few pages to look for "pain." There were a few potions here that I could possibly use to lessen the pain of transformation. Would it be enough? Would it even work? What if certain pain preventing potions didn't work on werewolves?

I figured it would be worth it to try. I couldn't very well ask Professor Slughorn about it…or could I? How many of the staff knew? Certainly Dumbledore didn't keep it a secret all to himself. But then there was the problem of someone overhearing me and jumping to conclusions—conclusions that, I fear, would be right.

I dog-eared a few different potions I wanted to try as Professor Slughorn tapped his wand on the table and announced the end of the time he had allotted us to finish the assignment. I closed my book and stood to take my parchment to his desk.

x x x

"Do you want to go to the library after class to work on the essay for Defense Against the Dark Arts?" Lily asked me at lunch.

I had my current novel open next to my plate. I was about to just nod yes when I remembered that I had a previous appointment. "Er—I can't. I have to…meet Professor McGonagall."

Lily looked confused. "What for?"

"Um…Well…" I had to think fast. What would she want to see me for? "Transfiguration. She says she has some books that might interest me." Liar!

"Oh…well, how about afterwards?"

I nodded without even thinking first. "Sure. I'll meet you there?"

Lily just nodded and smiled, and we went back to our lunches.

After class I said good-bye to Jodie and Lily and I headed towards the Transfiguration classroom. Professor McGonagall was still there, speaking to a scared looking first year.

"…with some practice I think everything will be fine, Manny."

The terrified boy nodded and then scurried from the classroom. I stepped aside to avoid being plowed through.

"Miss Crill, good timing." Professor McGonagall was straightening up her already tidy desk. Once she was satisfied, she walked to the back of the room where I stood. "Punctuality is a good trait, whether it be for school, work, or everyday life."

I gave a small smile at the compliment, but didn't say anything.

"Let's make sure you're punctual for Dumbledore as well, shall we?"

I nodded and we left the room. Reminiscent of the first day, I followed the professor through the corridors less traveled. It wasn't long before I was once again climbing the stairs to Headmaster Dumbledore's office.

The door was open already so I knocked on the door frame. The Headmaster looked up from his parchment, and after adjusting his half-moon spectacles, he smiled at me. "Miss Crill, please come in and have a seat."

I walked in and sat my bag by the armchair before sitting down.

We sat in silence for a few minutes while Dumbledore finished his work. After signing one last piece of parchment, he put everything away, and then clasped his hands on his desktop. "So, I guess we should get down to business."

I smiled to show I was willing.

"Have you talked to Remus?"

I shook my head. "No, sir. But I'm meeting with him tonight."

"Good, good…I have a feeling he will be distraught for your situation." That made me feel bad. I thought that he might be happy to have someone else with the same problem. Misery loves company, right?

"But anyway, I'll go over the regular procedures with you." He adjusted himself in his big, comfy chair and then looked at me over his spectacles. "On the morning of the full moon, you'll go to the Hospital Wing. You will spend the day there, so bring whatever work or books you have. Your teachers, of course, will excuse you.

"Before it gets dark, Madam Pomfrey will lead you to the Whooping Willow, where she was immobilize it. You will follow Remus through the tunnel under the tree to the Shrieking Shack."

I froze. "The Shrieking Shack!"

Dumbledore chuckled. "I had that built for the sole purpose of giving Remus a place to go when he changes. The shrieking people hear is the wolf."

I swallowed. Oh wow…

"Any questions?"

I thought for a moment. "Why can't I go to class that day?"

"You'll notice why come September eighteenth. I daresay you wouldn't be able to concentrate anyway."

I nodded. "I understand." My heart was beating against my chest. This was going to be horrible, I could just tell. I was hoping Dumbledore locked us in one of the old dungeon rooms or something, but I guess that was just too close to the students. But how would that rickety old shack keep a werewolf in? Was that even the point?

I left with a heavy mind, and numbly walked towards the common room. But before I went inside, I stood on the staircase and watched the moving pictures. It was soothing, losing myself in their worlds for a few moments. After a while, I felt calm and my heart rate was back to normal. I trusted myself to enter the common room.

I found Jodie curled up on the couch, nodding off over her Charms book. When I sat down next to her she jerked awake.

"Hey!" she said enthusiastically. Then she looked confused. "I thought you were at the library with Lily?"

I slapped my palm to my forehead. "Crap!" And out the portrait hole I went like a bolt of lightning.

"Sorry, Lily!" I hissed as I slid into a seat across from her. She only waved her hand at me, too busy writing. She was apparently on a roll, because she was scribbling away as fast as she possibly could; only stopping to dip her quill in the ink sitting open in front of her.

While she got her ideas out, I pulled my book from my bag along with my quill, ink, and some unused parchment. I was just getting to the chapter that supposedly had information I needed when Lily finally stopped writing. She sat back with a huff, breathing as though she just ran a marathon.

I stared at her. "Are you okay?"

"I had an epiphany!" She laughed. "Everything just suddenly clicked and I had to get it down before I forgot."

I shook my head at her, but I was smiling nonetheless. After a few questions, we settled into a comfortable silence and I began working on my paper.

It wasn't until Remus Lupin walked in that I remembered our meeting. I panicked, and I could tell Lily was worried about something. I must have been sitting there with a shocked expression on my face, staring straight at Remus who looked confused. He was probably wondering why on earth Lily was with me.

I had totally forgotten! Now what did I do?

"Um…I'll be right back, Lily," I said shakily, closing up my stuff but standing and leaving it there. "I need to talk to Remus about something…" I trailed off and hurried through the bookshelves, waving my hand in a gesture for him to follow.

He must have hesitated, but he joined me deep within the library soon. Lily didn't follow me, but I would have to think of something to tell her when I got back.

"Okay, I have to be quick. Lily is suspicious."

Remus looked surprised. "She doesn't know?"

Now I was surprised. "No…why would she?"

Remus shrugged. "I thought you two were best friends. I thought you would have told her before just about anybody."

I chewed on my lip. Yes, that's normally what would have happened. But this just seemed so _big_…Then it occurred to me. "Wait, you know what I'm talking about, right?"

"I believe so," Remus said slowly and I could tell he didn't want to be the one to say it.

"I'm a werewolf," I said with certainty, the first time I was actually confident about that statement. I knew for a fact that Remus was a werewolf. He couldn't judge me, and he couldn't try to lie to me.

He lost a lot of color all of a sudden. I could see the small white scars all over his face much more easily, and I wondered why I had never noticed them before. I guess I just never got close enough. Would I have scars like that too?

I swallowed. "I haven't changed yet."

Now he looked sympathetic. "I'm so sorry." He sounded so sincere, and so…sad. It kind of broke my heart.

I shrugged to brush it off. It definitely wasn't what I wanted, but there was no changing it now. I needed to get this out and get back to Lily.

"Dumbledore suggested that I maybe talk to you about it…He's already briefed me on what to do when a full moon comes."

The words "full moon" obviously caused him psychological pain. I had never noticed how frail Remus seemed. Not as in he looks like I could break him in half, just beaten. Tired, worn out.

I suddenly felt a lot closer to him. I still barely knew him, other than the obvious things: being smart, always being with Sirius, James, and Peter, that he's pretty cute…

Okay, stop that, Lacelin. "I have questions." I had a lot, but I didn't have time to ask them. "But, I need to get back to Lily…"

Remus nodded, and gave me a small smile. "We can meet up again some other time."

"Tomorrow night? Maybe at the Pitch?" The library didn't seem safe anymore.

Remus nodded in agreement. I smiled. "Okay, good. Thank you so much, Remus. I really appreciate this."

He gave me a genuine, if not sad, smile. "You're welcome, but I honestly wish I wasn't having to."

And I understood what he meant, and the sentiment struck home. I felt the lump form in my throat, so I could only croak a farewell before I hurried back to join Lily at our table.

"What was that all about?" Lily asked. She was wearing her "I'm suspicious" face.

"Don't worry about it. Just needed to ask him something about Potions." I gave her a big, cheesy grin and then immediately went back to work. She stared at me for a moment, and then watched Remus as he left the library. I noticed he quickened his stride to get past our table. I got an image of Lily jumping out of her chair and tackling him, demanding answers.

I started giggling and Lily stared at me. "You are so strange…" 


	4. Secrets

_**Moonlit Nightmares**_

**Chapter four:** Secrets

I knew it wouldn't be long before Lily asked me why I had whisked Remus away into seclusion at the library. It was obvious I was hiding something from her, and I feared that would hurt her feelings.

But as I lay in my bed, staring up at the ceiling in thought, something occurred to me: If I tell Lily my secret, that would essentially out Remus as well. To explain my sudden interest in him I would have to tell her that he was a werewolf and therefore needed his advice.

Remus's secret was not mine to tell. I suspected that James, Sirius, and Peter knew. It would explain why they're protective of him. It would also explain why he was never an object of their trickery.

I also suspected that Remus wouldn't tell them about me. I can't claim to know him well, but he seems to be the type to not gossip. And even if he was, the magnitude of my secret should stop him.

By the time the moon had risen high in the sky, I had made a decision.

The next morning, I was cornered in the bathroom by Lily. She shut the door and latched it behind her.

I turned to stare at her, my toothbrush sticking out of my mouth. I was in mid-brush.

"Okay, spill it," she demanded.

I opened my mouth and a mixture of spittle and toothpaste leaked down my chin.

Lily didn't find my interpretation of "spill it" as funny as I did. I finished brushing my teeth while she impatiently waited. I was expecting her to start tapping her foot at any moment.

As I dried my mouth with a towel I asked, "Spill what?"

"You know what I'm talking about!" Lily backed up against the counter, leaning against it. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked me straight in the eye. "What's going on between you and Remus?"

Lily was by no means a gossip monger. She understands the importance of people's privacy as much as the next woman. But when it came to the matters of the heart, she just couldn't help herself. I guess that was the hopeless romantic in her. And part of my plan was to play off of that for as long as I could.

Amazingly, as I looked down bashfully I actually did blush. I guess I was a better actor than I thought. "Oh…um…" I stammered. I went back to my daily routine, washing my face and then working on my hair. I never did more than brush it and use bobby pins to pin the bangs back, but today I took extra care in fixing it.

"Do you like Remus?" Lily asked in a scandalous whisper, leaning closer to me as her intent increased.

I gave a tiny nod, not trusting my voice to tell such a lie.

Lily looked as a woman might as she looked upon a fluffy kitten for the first time. The fabricated realization dawned on her and she cooed. "Aww!"

I glowered at her.

Lily looked sheepish. "I'm sorry, Lace, but you've never liked a boy before!"

_I still don't,_ I thought, but I said, "I know…But he's really sweet."

"He is!" Lily looked thrilled. "The only problem is those friends of his…" The thought of James brought a scowl to her face. "They would probably try to ruin things for you."

"But wouldn't that hurt Remus?" I quickly amended with, "If he likes me, that is."

Even Lily couldn't deny the loyalty of the friends. At one point in the past she would have, but I could see her judgments of them were starting to change, especially towards James. But if I said that out loud she would probably box my ears.

"You have to tell him!"

If I had had anything in my mouth, I would have spit it all over Lily when she said that. "W-why?" I sputtered. "Why can't I admire from afar?"

"Oh, Lacelin, that's just fear talking," she smiled encouragingly. "No one can be positive someone likes them until they tell them!"

My face was burning. I knew it must have been redder than the reddest beet. "N-no, no, no!"

Lily gave me a knowing smile, but I could also tell that I had really stepped in it this time. "I'm not going to let my best friend sit around and sigh over a boy without doing something about it!"

"Lily!" I had to take in a breath to come down; my voice had come out in a panicked shriek. "Please, don't. Not right away, at least."

Lily looked a little confused, but after a moment she nodded and smiled. "Okay. But you're not off the hook yet, young lady!" She laughed and flounced out of the bathroom, her long red hair trailing behind her.

I turned to the mirror and noticed my eyebrows were pushed together with worry. I picked up my towel, buried my face in it, and screamed.

x x x

For the rest of the day, every time I would look at Lily I would get a little impish smirk. If for some reason Remus or the others came around, my heart would drop into my foot and I would scoot away as quickly as I could. There was no way they could know about my lie, and I trusted Lily and knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't go behind my back and tell after I had specifically asked her not too, but my fear and guilt made me afraid of them. I'm sure they noticed, especially Remus. Maybe he would chalk it up to me being afraid of the coming moon?

They wouldn't be completely wrong, if that's what they thought. It was under a week until my first moon, and I was starting to feel the anxiety. I was restless and clumsier than usual. I kept dropping things. During charms I accidently sent my inkpot flying through the air. A few Ravenclaws had to dive out of the way before it crashed into the wall over their heads. At meals I knocked the salt over, dropped food in my lap, and on my way back from changing in the dorms, I fell down the stairs.

The only way I could escape this was to tell Lily the truth. But again, that would be outing Remus, a secret that was not mine to tell. I kept revisiting this fact over and over.

I could always ask Remus for permission. Of course, I would have to allow him to tell James, Sirius, and Peter. Would they ridicule me? They didn't pick on Remus, but he had been their friend for years.

Could they be so protective of Remus _because_ of what he is?

I shook my head and sighed. I needed to pay attention to class, or I would have even more worries than I already did.

x x x

It was Tuesday, September sixteenth, and I was sitting in the alcove of the Gryffindor common room. My charms book was open on my lap, but I was unable to concentrate on it. There were only two nights left before the full moon. Looking up at the night sky, I could see the nearly full orb glaring down on me as if taunting me.

I sighed, dropping my head so that I was looking at my book again. But I just couldn't make sense of anything tonight. With another sigh, I closed the book. I made a promise to myself to spend this weekend completely dedicated to work.

"Lacey!"

I screamed and threw my book into the air in surprise. I covered my head so that when it came down it wouldn't hit me, but it landed on the floor.

Lily bent down and picked it up, looking at me with an expression of surprise. "I didn't mean to scare you. Merlin, are you okay?"

I nodded, blushing with embarrassment. This whole fiasco was turning me into a nervous wreck. "Sorry, I was completely lost in thought."

Lily suddenly got a very impish smile on her face. She sat on the alcove across from me, handing me my Charms book. "Daydreaming about Remus?" she said in a sly voice.

"Shh!" I waved my hands at her as if I could dispel the words that were already in the air, and frantically looked around the common room. We were practically alone; most people had already left to go eat dinner.

"Calm down, Lacey," Lily said as she patted me on the shoulder. "I wouldn't be that tactless."

I sighed. "I know, I'm sorry."

"It's about time you told him anyway," Lily said with a smile.

My eyes widened. "Lily, you promised—"

"I know, but look at how you're acting!" Lily said. "You need to tell him or this anxiety is going to start to affect your schoolwork."

_Well…at least now I have a good excuse for my nerves._ "Lily, just let me deal with it, okay?" I asked, pleading with my eyes. "This is my first real crush, remember? I need to figure it out myself."

Lily blinked and for a few moments she was quiet. Finally, she smiled and nodded, leaning forward to give me a quick hug. "Okay. But remember I'm here for help!"

I nodded and smiled at her, though I was actually smiling from relief. "Let's go eat, okay?"

As we walked down to the Great Hall, I happened to glance into an alcove in the wall and saw Remus sitting at the window, gazing up at the moon as I'd been doing earlier. As we walked by, he glanced over and gave me a weary smile. I returned the smile, but was careful that Lily didn't see me.

x x x


	5. The Moon

_**Moonlit Nightmares**_

**Chapter Five:** The Moon

Wednesday I woke up so filled with nerves that I had to run to the bathroom to throw up. My retching must have been loud enough to wake Lily, because before long she was kneeling next to me, gently pulling my hair out of my face. She didn't say anything until my bout of sickness was over. I sat back onto my heels, not daring to move much more than that in case I was to get sick again.

"Are you okay?" Lily asked, handing me a wet wash cloth. I took it and cleaned my face before answering.

"I think…I guess I caught a stomach bug," I lied. My stomach churned again, but this time it wasn't from nerves. It was the guilt of telling another lie to Lily.

Lily nodded, a frown on her face. "You should probably go to the infirmary. Do you want me to walk you?"

I was about to say yes when I remembered why I was bent over the toilet this morning. I shook my head, forcing a smile on my face, though it was weak. "No, you should go eat. I can make it myself."

"Are you sure?" Lily asked and I nodded. "Well, okay." She took the wash cloth from me and washed it out in the sink. She hung it over the side and, with one last glance at me, when back into the bedroom. I took a long time brushing my teeth, making sure to floss very thoroughly, until I finally heard the last girl leave the dorm.

I walked back into the room and picked up my schoolbag. I packed away all my books, plenty of parchment and ink, and a couple changes of clothing. The full moon would last until Sunday morning and until then I would be in the Shrieking Shack. I wanted to have clean clothes to put on at least. I pulled on my jacket, pulled my bag onto my shoulders, and left the dorm.

Luckily, the common room was practically empty. A few students lingered, but they were so focused on how sleepy they were that they didn't pay me any attention. Not that I looked very suspicious, even though my bag was overflowing. I took the long way to the infirmary so that I would avoid as many students as possible.

When I arrived Madam Pomfrey came out of her office. She blinked, confused to see me so early. "What are you doing here, Lacelin? You don't need to come until tonight…"

"I wanted to bring my things by early," I said. "Also, I'm so nervous that I'm nauseous."

Madam Pomfrey frowned and waved me into her office. "I'm sure it's only nerves making you sick, dear, but this is as good excuse as any."

I blinked. "Excuse?"

"For missing class, dear." Madam Pomfrey pulled a chair from the corner of her office and sat it next to her desk. She motioned for me to sit down.

I did as she was told and looked at her, waiting for her explanation.

"It'll be easier if you're missing class because everyone thinks you're ill," she said with a frown. "So it's best if you stay here today until tonight when Mr. Lupin will join us."

All I could do was agree, and seeing that I still wasn't feeling very well, Madam Pomfrey let me use one of the beds to go back to sleep. I was the only person in there, and it wasn't long before I was fast asleep.

_The pain was immeasurable. She could never have imagined in a thousand years how badly it felt. Being dragged through lava and then tossed into a bush of briars would have felt better in comparison. Her entire body was burning, searing with pain. Her skin felt tight. It was pulled so taunt that she feared moving would cause the skin to rip and tear._

_She fell forward, but couldn't bear to bring her arms in front of her to hinder her fall. She feared that had she done so her arms would have simply been torn off. She lay on the cold, wooden floor, splinters caught in her skin. Her eyes were wide as they stared towards the open doorway. Standing in the threshold was the largest wolf she had ever seen._

I awoke with a start. I didn't sit up, but instead lay in bed and stared straight ahead of me. In the dream the horror I felt had been so real…I was only glad that I didn't feel that pain. My skin was tingling all over. I scooted down deeper under the covers, pulling them up to my chin. The warmth was comforting.

Through the windows I could tell that the sun was going down. Soon it would be time to go to the Shrieking Shack. With that realization my heart began to beat slightly faster with anticipation.

x x x

I couldn't help but be anxious when Madam Pomfrey immobilized the Whomping Willow. Even though I had been told how things were going to go down it was still surreal to be going through this, and this was the easy part. Once the path under the tree was open, Remus led the way through the tunnel. It was damp and dark, so I had to pull out my wand to use as a light.

"How are you doing?" Remus asked as we walked along the tunnel. "I heard that you weren't feeling well today." He glanced over his shoulder at me, but it was hard to see his face.

"The nerves got to me…" I replied, looking down at my feet as I walked. The ground was uneven and littered with debris; it would be really easy to trip and fall.

"I never really got those first time jitters. I didn't know I was a werewolf until the full moon."

I almost stopped in my tracks, but quickly sped up so that I wouldn't fall behind. "I'm sorry, I can't imagine…" The absolute fear he must have felt…

Remus didn't respond. We had reached the end of the tunnel. There wasn't a door at the end, but earth instead. Before I could say anything, Remus put his wand away and pushed up on the ceiling. Moonlight streamed in like a spotlight on his sandy hair. He tossed his bag up through the trap door and then pulled himself through. I stepped up and looked, unsure if I could pull myself up, but I didn't even have to try before Remus offered his hand down to me.

"Be careful, you can get splinters easily in here," he warned with a wry smile, as if splinters were of any consequence to what we were there for.

I took his hand and he pulled me up until I could get a hold on the sides of the door and hoist myself the rest of the way. I stood and brushed myself off. Looking around, I realized that if I hadn't known any better, I really would have thought that this was just an old shack. There was even broken, dusty furniture. Everything was covered in dust and spider webs, except where the wood had been clawed away. I remembered that I had seen a front door when I was in Hogsmeade with Lily, staring in wonder at the shack, but where I looked now there wasn't a door. It was just a trick. The only way in was through the tunnel.

"It's more comfortable upstairs," Remus said, pulling his bag back onto his shoulders. "There's a bedroom and then a couple of relatively empty rooms. I usually sit on the bed and do schoolwork until…well…until…you know." He frowned.

I only nodded. There was no need to say it out loud. "If I can get a lot of work done, Lily will be proud," I said, forcing myself to smile. "She's always on me about work."

Remus took pause, and I could tell he was chewing over something in his mind. When he didn't come forward with it after a few awkward moments, I nudged him along.

"What do you want to say, Remus?"

"Does…Does Lily know?"

I inhaled deeply, and then slowly let the breath out through my mouth. For the moment, it helped. "No." I swallowed. "I want to tell her…I just don't know how to go about it."

Remus smiled slightly, sadly. "There is no right way, except the truth." He paused to let his words sink in, and then stepped forward, lifting my heavy schoolbag over his shoulder. "Come on." Hoisting both bags, he headed up the old rickety stairs carefully.

I followed after him, thoughtful. What would he say if he knew the lie I had been fabricating for Lily thus far? I shuddered at the thought. He wouldn't be carrying my bag for me then, I was sure of that. I decided not to tell him, and as soon as I was able to talk to Lily I would do away with that lie and finally tell her the truth.

We settled in on the bed of the bedroom. It was the only thing in the room that wasn't very dusty. We beat the comforter a bit and then it was fine to sit on. I was glad to have stuff to work on, because sitting there all night and day would be awkward. What all could we talk about other than school?

"Have you done that essay for potions yet?" I asked as I pulled out my book. I pulled out a second book to use as a lap desk.

"I have the information I need, I just haven't written it yet," Remus responded. "What about you?"

"I've got…" I trailed off as I unrolled my parchment to see how far I was. "I've got two sentences." I laughed. "I think I fell asleep over this essay last night."

Remus smiled some. He had also pulled out his potions stuff to work on it. "What potion did you decide to do it on?"

And that's how things went. We talked shop, mostly. We got our essays done, and then edited each other's. I got a lot done with Remus's help. I wasn't as tempted to chit-chat as I was with Lily, mostly because I was shy. Every now and then we would get on a topic like Quidditch or Hogsmeade, but mostly we worked.

Studying had never felt so peaceful and nice. It was almost easy to forget why we were there.

When the sun began to drop down below the trees the next day, I could no longer continue on schoolwork. My heart began to pound against my chest as though I had just finished a 5k run. I no longer wanted to even see the window. I packed my stuff into my schoolbag and sat it on the floor, instinctively moving into the corner of the room. I leaned against the wall, crossing my arms protectively around myself as I watched the sunlight disappear from the room.

Remus stood slowly and walked around the foot on the bed, letting his hand linger on the bedpost. He peered over at me through the two foot posts. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

"Scared," I admitted. I swallowed hard and stared down at the ground. I hugged myself tighter. I couldn't get my heart to stop beating so quickly, and I was feeling light headed. "What happens…after you've changed?"

Remus made his way over to me slowly, letting his fingers trace lines in the dust on the footboard of the bed. "We can't get out…It's frustrating. I've never been around another wolf." He stopped in front of me and, while he didn't look scared, he did look nervous. "We might fight."

I swallowed. "Y-you said there were other rooms. Could I lock myself in one?"

Remus nodded. "That might be best." He turned his head to look out the window. The sun had set. "You better go now."

I nodded and moved to grab my bag, but he stopped me. As I turned back to him to ask what he wanted, he pulled me to him in an embrace. For a quiet moment, we stood there in each other's arms, and it was comforting. When he pulled away, I gave him a tentative smile before grabbing up my bag and heading out of the bedroom. As I headed down the hall, I heard the door lock behind me.

I found a room at the very end that only had an armchair and a door leading into a closet. I threw my bag into the closet and shut the door. I didn't want to tear it up when I became a wolf. I turned the chair so that my back would face the window, and sat down in it. Now all I could do was wait.

I stared at the floor, the only sound I could hear was my heart still beating in my chest. I watched the shadows move about the floor as the moon rose higher into the sky.

The pain struck like an arrow through a dark night. It sheared straight through me, starting from my head and quickly spreading to encompass my entire body. I stood up straight, thinking I could get the pain to go away like it was a cramped muscle, but then the bite scar on my side began to sear and burn. I gripped at it, but it only got worse. I slowly got onto my knees and lay on the floor, feeling the cold, dusty wood against skin giving me only slight relief from the burning that was flooding through my body.

And then it started to change. Once I was sure my in different places. My hands and fingers elongated and curled under until I had claws. My face began to pull and I thought my eyes were going to pop right out of the sockets. My jaws, my teeth, and my cheekbones contorted and pulled, stabbing and poking as the skin stretched over it. This time when I yelled out in pain, it was a half-human, half-howl. I rolled as my spine began to contort and turn, arching and moving through my body like a great snake trapped under my skin.

I clawed at the wood, I clawed at myself, and when the change was complete, I felt my mind begin to fog. I could no longer think clearly, and any logical thought processes were shutting down. I was barely aware of my surroundings. All my motives and all my feelings were erased and replaced. I was becoming more primitive with each passing moment, until all I cared about was food and bloodlust.


	6. Aftermath

_**Moonlit Nightmares**_

**Chapter Six:** Aftermath

Sunlight came through the grimy window, warming the spot on the floor where I lay. For a groggy moment, I feared that the light was moonlight, come to cast its curse upon me again. But the warmth of the yellow light was comforting to my aching bones.

I felt like I had been pulled apart piece by piece, and in the process a couple of those pieces were broken. Then I was shoved back together in a careless hurry. I was bleeding from scratches on my face, arms, and legs where I vaguely remember clawing at myself during the night. The armchair that had been sitting in the room was now in multiple pieces and stuffing was strewn everywhere.

Slowly I went to push myself up on my arms, but my vision started to black out and I lied back down. Instead of standing, I rolled slowly, groaning each time from my soreness, to my bag. My clothes were in tatters and I was cold, so I pulled out the last change of clothes I had. It took me so long to remove the tatters and pull on the new clothes while lying on the floor that I was out of breath when I was finished.

I rolled back into the sunlight and curled up into a ball, falling back asleep.

I didn't wake again until I heard the creak of the door opening. Too weary to open my eyes, I listened as multiple footsteps came into the room and stopped close to me.

"Is she okay?" a male voice asked. The voice was familiar, but it wasn't Remus. Was it Peter?

"She's only asleep," said a tired voice. Remus. "She needs to go to the infirmary, though."

"I can carry her," a third voice said. He could have been James or Sirius, I couldn't tell. Whoever it was stepped forward and gently lifted me. I heard someone else pick up my bag.

At this point I was feeling extremely awkward, and the best thing I could do was continue to pretend to be asleep. I wasn't sure if I could walk on my own, and pretending to be unaware was preferable. Through his soft, cotton sweater I could feel the warmth of the boy who carried me. I was getting an inkling that it was Sirius. His arms were strong and held me firmly so that he wouldn't drop me as they made their way through the rough tunnel. I could feel the blush burning on my cheeks and hoped that he wouldn't notice.

Before very long I was falling asleep again because of the warmth I felt and the rocking motion of being carried.

x x x

The next time I woke up it was because I heard voices talking over me, and then the _click click_ of heels as they moved away. I opened my eyes slowly, and squinted them against the light that was coming through the window. With a glance around, I realized I was in the hospital wing. Sitting on the bed next to me was Lily, looking down at me with evident worry on her face. Madam Pomfrey had pulled one of the screens around my bed for privacy. I had to stop myself from groaning; what was I going to tell her now?

"How are you feeling?" Lily asked when she noticed I was awake. She spoke quietly as though she thought being too loud would hurt me.

"Just tired," I replied. What would I say when she asked about the scratches?

She swallowed, looking unsure. "You've been in the hospital wing for almost a week. I've taken notes for you, and got your work from your other teachers."

"Thanks."

I could feel it. The tension was there between us. She knew there was something up with me, and she knew I had been hiding it. Lily was too smart to have not seen the signs, and she had known me long enough to know when something wasn't right with me. Suddenly, I felt guilty. I should have told her about this the first time I had a chance.

"Lily, listen…" I began but she shook her head.

"Lace, I know when something is up with you. You don't think I wondered when I saw you biting your nails on the train? Or when you had those strange meetings with Professor McGonagall?" She paused, sighing lightly. "You can tell me anything. You're like my sister, Lace." She reached out and took my hand in hers. I bit on my bottom lip. "But I'm not going to try to make you tell me."

I was silent for a few moments, and we just sat there, hand in hand. What she said touched my heart, and I felt a lump rise in my throat. Before I could stop them, tears were rolling down my cheeks and I was sobbing. Lily moved closer to me and wrapped her arms around me, and I cried into her shoulder, telling her everything between my sobs.

Why had I waited so long? Of course Lily would understand. She would never push me away because of this. She was the most kind-hearted person I knew.

Suddenly, I felt like Lily really was my sister, not just a bond that was similar anymore. We would be closer now, and our friendship would be so much stronger. But I still couldn't tell her about Remus, because that wasn't my secret to tell. But I could ask him. After all, apparently his friends knew about me.

I was able to leave the hospital wing before it grew dark. I headed down to the Great Hall and wiggled in between Jodie and Lily at the table. I hadn't been feeling very hungry, but as soon as I saw the food all the days without much to eat suddenly caught up to me. I ate until my stomach felt like it was going to burst.

"Wow, slow down, girl!" Jodie said, smiling brightly at me. "You're eatin' like a dog!"

Apt description, Jodie. "I feel like I haven't eaten in forever."

"If you keep eating like that, you'll have to go work it off!" Jodie said, plucking a tiny potato into her mouth. She continued to speak while she chewed. "Did you hear about Roger?"

Lily leaned forward so that she could see Jodie around me. "Roger Conne? What about him?"

"He transferred to Beauxbatons!" Jodie leaned her elbows on the table, resting her chin against her fists. "Hogwarts is apparently doing a foreign exchange thing this year, like what some Muggle schools do."

"But why now? We're already a good ways into the semester."

Jodie shrugged. "All I know is, now we're short a beater." She was silent for a moment, and then slowly turned to look at me. For the next few moments she stared at me, and not just at my face.

"Jodie, are you checking me out?" I asked, feeling uncomfortable.

"Yes, I mean no! Lace, you have the perfect body type for a beater!" She grabbed one of my arms and began squeezing my biceps.

"Quit!" I yelped and yanked my arm back. I'm ticklish.

"With a little work, you could be a good beater! You should try out!" Jodie practically bounced in her seat.

"Me? I never play Quidditch!"

"But you know how!" Jodie grinned at her. "As soon as I find out when the emergency tryouts are I'll let you know. But I can help you! I think you could do it!"

"But—"

"You should do it, Lace." I turned to look at Lily. She was smiling slightly. "You might really like it. You'll never know until you try, right?"

I sighed, placing my fork down on the table decidedly. "Okay, fine. I'll try."

"Yay!" Jodie exclaimed and threw her arms around me.

x x x

I didn't see Remus again until Saturday. I had found a remote table in the library and had all my makeup work spread out in front of me. I was frantically trying to get it all done by Monday so that I wouldn't be behind, but I was feeling pretty overwhelmed. I was leaning back in my chair, taking a breather when he approached me.

"Hello, Lacelin."

I looked up at him and smiled slightly. "Hey, Remus." I noticed he had his satchel with him, and it looked ready to bust at the seams. "Do you have a lot of makeup work too?"

He nodded and sat down across from me at the table. I rearranged my things so that he would have room. He pulled his books out, but before he started working he leaned forward and asked in a low voice, "How are you feeling?"

I shrugged. "More or less okay. Still kind of sore, and people are staring at my face…" I subconsciously pressed my fingers to the long cut that ran along my right jaw.

Remus frowned sympathetically. "You get used to it. Eventually everyone stops staring."

I sighed. "I hope so…" We fell into silence as we began to work quietly. It was strangely reminiscent of the night of the full moon, but much less stressful. It was nice to study with him. There wasn't the pressure of feeling the need to speak, and it was nice to not be alone while doing such boring work.

After a while I finally remembered that I wanted to ask him about Lily. "Oh, Remus, by the way…I told Lily about me."

He looked up, his eyes wide. "Really? How did she take it?"

I smiled, feeling a bit of the lump again. I was really grateful to how supportive Lily was. "She took it really well. I think we may actually be closer to each other now."

Remus smiled. My heart skipped a bit. This smile was different. It was a very genuine smile. He was really happy for me. "That's great. It helps a lot to have friends to help deal with this. I wish I had had them when I was first changed…"

I swallowed. "So…Sirius, James, and Peter know?"

He hesitated, and then nodded. "They would never admit to it without my permission though." I felt like there was more to it, he seemed to be holding something back, but I didn't push it.

"I was wondering…Were they there the morning of the last night? I think I remember hearing Peter and Sirius talking."

Remus sighed. "They were. Sirius…did something really bad. I'll tell you later, here isn't a very good place."

Something really bad? What could that be? I was really curious, but if he didn't want to tell me now I would have to wait.

"I was wondering…since they know about me…could I tell Lily about you?" I immediately amended with, "If you knew Lily you'd know that she would never tell a secret that wasn't hers to tell. She's super supportive. She's not discriminate against anything. She's been pretty active with giants rights lately..."

Remus's smile was amused. "It's okay, I don't know Lily well but I do know that about her. If it would make things easier for you, then go ahead."

I smiled gratefully. "Thanks."

After that, we fell back into our familiar silence. I couldn't help but continue to smile. My heart suddenly felt so light and carefree. Who knew my curse could also bring such blessings?


	7. Angelique Kincade

_**Moonlit Nightmares**_

**Chapter 7:** Angelique Kincade

When I agreed to try out for the position of Beater, I had no idea what I was in for. Jodie woke me before the sun was up and dragged me from my warm bed. I was still recovering from my cuts and bruises, so with sore muscles I reluctantly followed her down to the Pitch.

October was almost here, and already the mornings were growing chilly. I sat on the damp grass and yawned, watching the sun begin to peek over the castle's towers, as Jodie headed into the equipment shed.

She returned within minutes dragging a shaking trunk, one bat tucked under her arm and another in her other hand. She stopped in front of me and let the trunk drop to the ground with a heavy thud. She handed me the bat in her hand and removed the one form under her arm for herself. Two Cleansweeps lay beside me and as I stood I picked one up.

"Jodie, I've never played as a Beater before," I said with a nervous timber to my voice.

Jodie waved away my protest. "It doesn't matter. After a few practices with me you'll be playing like a pro!"

I soon discovered that my first lesson would be to overcome my fear of the Bludger. Every time it bolted in my direction, instead of trying to bat it away, I dove out of its path, fearing the broken bones I had seen other Beaters receive.

When I voiced this fear to Jodie she simply replied, "Nonsense, Lace! Madam Pomfrey can mend broken bones in a snap!" She snapped her fingers to emphasize her point.

I sighed, not feeling very comforted, but the next time the Bludger came at me I tried to hit it before it hit me.

By the end of the practice I was able to swallow my fear and hit the Bludger, but I couldn't control the direction or hit it very hard.

When it was time for breakfast, Jodie finally let me go. I changed quickly and met Lily as she was leaving the tower.

"How did the practice go?" she asked as I fell into step beside her.

"Exhausting," I said with a sigh. "My biceps are killing me."

Lily smiled sympathetically. "Jodie's a tough coach."

"But she does know what she's doing," I amended.

As we turned the corner, suddenly Lily stopped. I stopped a step ahead of her and glanced back to ask what was wrong. Upon seeing her face, I faced the front again and noticed Severus Snape limping towards the Great Hall. The limp was very obvious, and with each step he took on that leg he grimaced.

Lily moved forward toward him timidly. "Severus? Are you okay?"

Severus paused, suddenly looking stricken. He turned only slightly to glance at her over his shoulder. "I'm fine," he said curtly before hurrying away.

Lily stood in the corridor, picking subconsciously at her fingers as she watched after him.

I walked up to her and laid my hand on her shoulder. She turned to look at me and then looked down at the floor as if in shame.

"Forget it, Lily," I said gently. "He isn't worth it, remember?"

As a response she gave a little nod, but I could tell she was still put out. I linked my arm with hers and propelled us toward the Great Hall.

"C'mon, let's go eat something delicious!"

When we entered the Great Hall, the first thing I noticed was the volume level. It was always loud, but today it was deafening. The second thing I noticed was that a majority of the Gryffindor table, and some students from other tables as well, were crowded around in a circle.

Curiosity got the best of Lily. She pulled me through the crowd with her so that we could get a better look. After swimming through the sea of black robes, we finally were able to see what everyone was so excited about.

A girl, probably the same age as me, perched on the bench like a princess. Her milky, manicured hands were clasped on the table in front of her. Crystal blue eyes regarded the students around her as if they were quaint novelties. Silky blonde hair was pulled up in a casual bun, tendrils falling down like the vines of a weeping willow.

So she must be the Beauxbatons girl taking Roger's place at Hogwarts.

Lily immediately snapped into prefect mode and stepped forward, holding her hand out to the girl. "Welcome to Hogwarts! I'm Lily Evans, one of the Gryffindor prefects."

The girl looked up at Lily, an inquisitive look on her face. I watched as she looked Lily up and down, as though she were sizing her up. After leaving her waiting for what seemed longer than the few moments it was, she reached up and shook Lily's hand with confidence. She stood up and smiled at Lily, but the smile was cold. "It's nice to finally meet someone 'ere 'oo doesn't look az though they were reared in a barn." Her French accent was thick and inflicted every vowel, but her English wasn't very bad.

Lily blinked, unsure how to respond to that, but she didn't have to. The girl immediately continued to speak, "My name iz Angelique Kincade. I am…how do you say…replacement student?"

"You're the exchange student," Lily corrected, immediately snapping her friendly smile back into place. "If no one else has offered, I would be happy to help you get acclimated here."

Angelique smiled again. I didn't like it. She looked smug when she smiled. "Many have offered, but I'll accept yours."

Lily turned to me then, smiling sympathetically. "Duty calls. You can come along, if you want."

I immediately shook my head, cutting my eyes at Angelique. She was examining her nails. "I think I'll go get some studying done."

I grabbed a few pieces of toast and headed out of the Great Hall without a word. I could already tell that I wasn't going to like this Angelique Kincade.

x x x

"You're lucky Dumbledore didn't have you expelled, Sirius."

My head snapped up and I looked around me, but didn't see anything. The grass on the other side of the tree rustled and I heard the sound of books being dropped onto the ground. I flattened myself against the tree trunk and held my book to my chest, trying not to breathe too loudly so that I wouldn't be found.

"It would have been easier, I think. I have Detention until Christmas!" Sirius responded with an aggravated sigh. I could just see him running his fingers through his tousled black locks. I shook my head.

"Sirius, Snape could have been killed!" said a squeaky voice. That must be Peter.

"And how do you think Remus would have felt? There would have been no way for Dumbledore to conceal him from the parents then."

"Okay, okay! Come off it already, will you? Bloody hell, you're worse than my mother, James!"

"Now that was just mean," James said, obviously feigning hurt.

I swallowed, closing my eyes and wishing that they would leave. I just knew I wasn't supposed to hear what they were saying. I should have made my presence known before they continued their conversation. Damn my curiosity!

I quietly tried to put my book back into my satchel, planning to make a quiet escape. But as I was closing the clasp, suddenly a shadow fell over me.

I looked up and found myself surrounded by James, Sirius, and Peter. Unsure what to say, I simply sat there and stared at them with wide eyes.

"Look, Sirius, a little bird was eavesdropping," James said with a smirk on his face.

"And we all know little birds tell their little secrets," Sirius added, mirroring James' expression.

I gulped, looking to Peter for mercy. He was trying his hardest to look as smug as his comrades, but failing miserably. I looked back at James and Sirius and felt my heart plummet into my stomach.

_Heelp!_

x x x

"I am to sleep _here_?" Angelique asked with horror as she gazed around the dormitory. She had drawn into herself, her arms wrapped around her body as though she were cold. She stood in the center of the room as if all she had to stand on was a tiny circle of floor, staring at the room around her.

Lily didn't understand what she was upset about. The room was clean, except for Jodie's bed, but they had given up early in second year on getting her to clean. She was content to live in her clutter.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand…This is a nice room. The beds are very comfortable…" Lily said, wringing her hands as she spoke.

"At Beauxbatons, we have curtains of sheer silk that hang around our beds. The floors are like marble. The bathroom is large with a marble tub as deep as a carp pond," Angelique said, flourishing her story with dramatic arm movements.

Lily frowned. "Marble floors? Sounds cold…" she muttered to herself.

"What was that?" Angelique asked innocently, turning to look at her.

"Um, nothing," Lily said quickly. "This was the last place I had to show you. Is there anything else?"

Angelique thought, placing the tip of her index finger against her chin. Lily almost thought she saw the light bulb above her head when she got an idea.

"That boy in the common room! Introduce me! He was…as you say…a real looker?"

"The Americans say that, and…do you mean Remus?" He was the only guy Lily could remember seeing in the common room when they arrived.

"Is that his name?" Angelique was already heading towards the door. "Then yes, Remus!" she said, with emphasis on the _e_.

Lily gulped, watching as Angelique left the dormitory. Something told her that she didn't need introducing, that she could do it by herself, and if she was half as charming as she seemed to think she was, then there was going to be trouble.


	8. Moonlit Moments

_**Moonlit Nightmares**_

**Chapter 8:** Scandals in the Moonlight

Suddenly I bolted for the castle; like a cornered animal, I thought blithely.

I didn't get very far before each of my arms became prisoner of two other pairs of arms. I looked to my left and right quickly, eyes wide, to see the grinning faces of James and Sirius. I thought that they could only be mocking me for my behavior.

"Why in such a rush?" asked Sirius.

"We only want to talk," said James.

"Talk to me?" I asked. "Pardon me if I don't want to bloody believe it."

Sirius and James looked at each other simultaneously, eyebrows arched. In their silence, Peter stepped in front of me and said in a friendly tone, "It's true. Let them talk."

I screwed up my nose but didn't say anything. Despite being one of their mates he had never given her cause to be rude toward him.

"What are you lot doing?" asked a shocked voice. I looked up from Peter to see that Remus had joined them. I had never been more relieved to see him.

"We were just going to tell her the good news," Sirius said innocently as he and James relinquished my arms.

"It's posted in the common room now." Remus turned to look at me. "I was actually on my way to tell you the news too."

"What news?" I asked, my heart fluttering with excitement. "The Quidditch tryouts…?"

"Practice is tomorrow night, right after dinner," Sirius informed her with a smile.

"Don't be late, Beater," James added and the three of them moved away, leaving only Remus and myself.

I barely noticed their departure; I felt shocked. I hadn't expected to get the position. Once it processed through my mind a huge smile spread across my face. I looked up at Remus, who was smiling too.

"Congratulations," he said.

"Wow," I breathed. "I hope I don't let them down."

"I don't believe James or Sirius will allow it."

"Jodie either." I laughed.

Remus was silent for a moment, during which his smile began to falter. I immediately knew that a heavy thought had entered his mind.

"Today is Thursday," he said quietly. "Do you remember what happens in two days?"

I felt my heart drop into the pit of my stomach. "Oh…Yes, I remember." The full moon. It felt like it had only been yesterday that the first one happened. They would spend the weekend in the Shrieking Shack, Monday as well.

"Can't say I'm looking forward to it," I said with a wry smile.

"I would think something's wrong with you if you did," Remus replied with a slight laugh. I smiled.

"Lacelin! There you are!"

I looked around Remus as he also turned to see who had called. Lily was waving to me as she approached. Angelique Kincade followed her, looking elegant in her fall jacket and boots. I fought a frown.

"Did you tell her?" asked Lily as she stopped beside Remus. Angelique stood to the side, looking over the grounds with disinterest.

Remus nodded to her and then said to me, "I'll talk to you later."

I nodded with a smile, and as he walked away Lily tackled in a hug. I returned the gesture, feeling a grin tugging at my lips.

"It's so exciting!" she said as we stepped back.

"You failed to introduce me to Remus, Lily," Angelique interred. Her appearance in the conversation immediately dampened the mood.

Lily gave an apologetic half-smile. "I'm sorry. I was just so excited for Lacelin—"

"Yes, very exciting," Angelique dismissed. She didn't even glance in my direction. I looked pointedly at Lily, who flashed a wry smile before beginning to talk to Angelique again, trying to garner her forgiveness. I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes; she was quite the drama queen, this Angelique Kincade.

x x x

I was doing it again. I couldn't say how many times I had removed my planner from my bag to stare at the next couple of days, but it seemed like every other moment I was catching myself with the little book open. There was nothing extraordinary about it; all I had written was a reminder about Quidditch practice. But under the words" Saturday, October 18, 1975" was a circle and the dreadful words "Full Moon."

This time, as I looked down at it glumly, the planner suddenly disappeared; swiped out from under my nose by Lily. She held it closed in one hand, frowning at me as she said, "Quit doing that."

I huffed, pursing my lips at her before replying, "I can't help it. It weighs heavily on the mind, turning into a beast."

"Not funny," Lily said sternly, pointing at me with the top corner of the book. She dropped it down into my open bag between our chairs and then clasped her hands together on top of the table. Professor Flitwick was trying to find some parchment or another, and while he picked up books and unraveled documents the students decided to take a break and began chatting.

I didn't want to talk about the full moon, didn't want to think about it. Remus had said that there was no getting used to the change. That meant I could expect the same excruciating, bone breaking, muscle realigning pain that I had the first time. Just the thought made my blood run cold.

A change of subject was in order, so before Lily could think up some type of advice or encouraging words, I asked, "So how is your budding relationship with _Angelique Kincade_?" I was quite proud of my imitation of her accent.

It was Lily's turn to huff and sigh. She hung her head for a moment, her red hair falling onto the tabletop like a curtain of fire. She flung it back over her shoulder as she turned to look at me again. "She's hard to…keep up with."

My laugh came through my nose as a disdainful snort. "That's an understatement."

"Of the century," Lily added, and then laughed when she saw the small smile on my face. "Are smiling at my misery?"

"You volunteered for your misery," I reminded her.

"Yes, but my misery fancies Remus."

I sputtered, I couldn't help it, and then my gaze darted around the room to be sure that nobody had overhead. James and Sirius were in this class with us, but luckily they sat way in the back while Lily and I always occupied the front-left table.

"She does?" I didn't mean for there to be so much surprise in my voice. Remus was extremely attractive—it'd take veritaserum to make me say so out loud—but he didn't seem to be Angelique's type.

I glanced over my shoulder at James and Sirius, who were levitating items from Flitwick's desk, just frustrating him and prolonging his search since he had to stop to scold the boys. Sirius was more Angelique's type, I thought.

I sat up straighter as I said, "Well…" I paused and deflated. "Oh well."

"'Oh well'? No, no 'oh well'!" Lily scolded. "Remus is yours."

I laughed loudly, once, and then lowered my voice. "Lily, he's only my friend. Besides, it ceases to matter if he likes her, right?"

Lily opened her mouth to say something but at that moment Flitwick thrusted the newly found parchment into the air with a triumphant "Aha!" For once I was relieved to have class start back.

x x x

I thought the second full moon would be easier, but I soon found that out to be false. My nerves were as bad—if not worse—than they had been that first night. I followed Madam Pomfrey and Remus quietly, focusing on the mundane task of walking so as not to let my mind wander.

Without a word Remus and I settled into our spot on the four-poster bed, our bags spilling their contents around us. Amongst my books were a couple books on theoretical werewolf curse remedies.

Remus picked up the eldest tome. Its once green cover faded was covered in patches of brown. The spine cracked like a pecan shell when he opened it.

"Have you read it?" I asked after a few moments of silence.

He nodded as he idly turned the pages, glancing at each page's content for only a moment before moving on. "I thought the more I knew the easier this would be."

I felt my heart fall; I thought the same. "I assume it didn't?"

He thought for a moment, obviously waffling between two thoughts. Finally, with a shrug of his shoulder, he replied, "No, but it is worth knowing."

I took the book back and looked down at the old cover; the title couldn't even be read anymore. I put it with the other books and reluctantly reached for my Potions book.

"Do you think you could help me with my Potions essay?" I asked as I turned my head to meet his gaze. I was surprised to find him staring at me already, a small smile on his face.

I blinked, unsure how to react. "Um…"

At being caught Remus averted his gaze and flushed, stammering, "Sorry." He cleared his throat before explaining, "I just…wanted to say…I'm glad I don't have to do this alone." He glanced at my eyes but instantly diverted his gaze again.

I felt my cheeks heat up with a blush, but at the same time a smile tugged at my lips. "I don't know what I would have done without you."

"You would have been fine," he said, now able to meet my gaze. "But it's good to be with someone who understands…"

I don't know what came over me in that moment, but suddenly I had the courage to hug Remus. There was something in those sad eyes of his that made my heart flutter. As I wrapped my arms around his shoulders I knew that what I saw was happiness. Who would have guessed a curse could also be a blessing?

For a split second he tensed and I felt that I had done something terribly wrong, but then I felt his arms wrap around me and we both relaxed.

I didn't want to let go. I felt enveloped in a blissful warmth—a feeling of comfort that caused me to smile. But to prolong this contact would suggest too much, so I pulled away from him, my mouth turned up in what I hoped was a friendly smile.

The first thing I noticed was the pink tinting his cheeks, and then the small smile on his face, but he didn't look sheepish, he looked—

He turned and picked up my Potions book, breaking eye contact. I frowned in confusion.

Remus must have thought I was frowning at the prospect of doing my essay because he said, "C'mon, it isn't that bad. I wrote mine in an hour last night."

He was right, it wasn't a difficult essay, but having to sit next to Remus after our "moment" was so distracting that I finished hours later, when the moon was about to rise.

I closed the door to the spare bedroom and walked to the window, gazing up at the moon through the cracked glass. It was far from the earth, shining like a night light in the distance.

And I felt the beginning of the change.

x x x


End file.
